The weight of the world

February 22, 2022, was a day that brought the most extreme cosmic light energies streaming onto our Earth.  Two days later, on February 24, 2022, Russia invaded Ukraine with the intent to destroy its democratic government and take it back into Russian control. Even though the Russian army had been amassing on three sides of Ukraine’s borders, even though American intelligence had warned for weeks that an invasion was imminent–  when they actually started dropping bombs and killing Ukrainians, millions of humans, including me, watched it happen in shock and horror.

One of the biggest shocks was the sheer speed at which this war happened, and how quickly Ukraine unraveled. Within the space of mere days, a land which had been a modern, globally connected country in Eastern Europe, has now been reduced to cities reduced to rubble, humanitarian corridors of escape cut off, people trying to survive without food, water, medicine or heat. As I write this, it’s day 13 of this tragic, senseless war and the UN estimates that two million people have fled Ukraine and become refugees in neighboring European countries, especially Poland. The news shows photos and videos of thousands of mothers, children and infants who sheltered in the subways, bomb shelters, and boarded trains. They left in order to protect their families, said farewell to their husbands, brothers, and fathers, not knowing whether they will ever see them alive again.

Many of us alive today in western countries have never had direct experience of living through war, although many of our grandparents and great grandparents lived or died during the terrible wars of the 20th century. World War II began over 80 years ago in Europe. Since then, sadly many other wars have been fought. However, this new invasion of Ukraine by Russia’s Vladimir Putin is particularly chilling.

The United States has committed horrible invasions of countries during the past seventy years. The government always presented their rationale for these wars as necessary, for the higher good… and war is a complex endeavor as we all know. There are many actors involved and often competing goals. But the bottom line is always power and control of the chessboard that is Earth.  The old paradigm was based on winner take all—all the resources, all the money, and all the control over the most vulnerable populations. No matter who declares victory in the moment, it is always the ordinary people who suffer the brunt of brutality. It has been this way for as long as historians have found evidence for human civilization.

Yet, it is the year 2022, C.E. At this moment, after all that humanity has endured, especially over the past decade and pandemic years, it is nearly inconceivable that we are on the brink of yet another global war that could have more serious repercussions than most of us are willing to seriously entertain.  Plenty of humans are happy to watch films and play video games that portray a post-apocalyptic future world. This is very unfortunate, that many derive pleasure from imagining the worst-case scenario for humanity and life on Earth. But I honestly do not believe that most people have a true grasp of what an actual nuclear war between superpowers would mean for us all.  More than fifty years ago, when the memory of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan at the end of World War II was still fresh in many people’s psyches, the Peace Movement sprang up and became a large, worldwide resistance to nuclear war. Russia and America decided that rather than have a physical war with bombs and soldiers, they would instead have a Cold War. This went on from the 1950s through the dissolution of Soviet Russia in the early 1990s. Many of us stopped worrying about the threat of Russia after that point. There were other, smaller dictators and authoritarian regimes to worry about and control. And now, 30 years later, suddenly the threat of an insane dictator pushing the button again looms over humanity.

Was peace just a dream some of us had?

Dear Readers, I know many, many millions of people are feeling similar to me right now. We are suddenly once again staring into the abyss. We don’t want to destroy the world and blow everything into oblivion. We are exhausted from endless wars and diseases and weather disasters. The onslaught of unspeakable horrors just seems to keep coming at us now. I was never one to believe in that old story of Armageddon and the Apocalypse of John in the Christian bible. I thought it was absurd, and that surely human beings would never let such a thing actually happen. That we were smarter and more compassionate than to allow Earth be destroyed by greed and hunger for world domination. That somehow, the People of Earth would figure it out in time, would do whatever it took to move beyond the barbaric ways of living we’d been playing out all these long centuries of time.

When I see the heartbreak that is happening in Ukraine at this moment, I don’t want to believe that we were wrong. All of us peace-loving lightworkers who incarnated to the planet for this very moment—were we wrong to believe we could save humanity and Gaia from total destruction?  Many of the lightworker community are still out on social media saying, we’re doing good, just keep holding the light, everything is going according to plan.  To which I simply reply, This is the plan?? To keep endlessly consuming, mindlessly scrolling, numbing out and passing out, while watching despots destroy ordinary people’s lives in a literal second? What kind of plan is THAT, dear Lord? 

All I really have left are questions and wonderings. What are we collectively doing to our planet, to each other, to ourselves? What is the point of all this chaos? What will it take for enough human beings to wake up to what is actually happening, to what we are collectively allowing to happen?  I can think of nothing, nothing, nothing more tragic than for the Earth herself to be blown up by insane, idiotic human beings pushing buttons for nuclear warheads to explode. If the humans are actually stupid enough to destroy us all, well that’s one thing. But this planet Earth, our one and only HOME, is so incredibly beautiful and amazing and wonderous. To annihilate her would be completely unforgivable.

Dear Readers, if you only take one thing away from my ranting in this blog post, take this:

Your life can change in an instant. We are nearly out of time to change this world towards a better future without war, without strife, without such human suffering. Maybe it’s not actually possible, but yet even now, in the 11th hour and 58th minute, some of us alive still believe it is possible, despite all evidence to the contrary. It’s pretty clear that there is no benevolent extraterrestrial race that’s going to swoop down here and save us all. If the human race is to be saved from total destruction, it is up to all of us. We would do well to take a hint from Volodymyr Zelensky, who is telling his countrymen and women to never give up the fight for freedom. Freedom and the principle of democracy is never guaranteed, but rather must be vigilantly guarded and, yes, fought to the end to preserve.

August Angst

These are very strange days indeed, these brutal August days. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but clearly we are living in extraordinary times across the board. It is safe to say that no one alive on Earth has ever faced what we are now facing on the daily. How do we retain our sanity in the midst of such unprecedented chaos?

As I often do on this blog, I’d like to share a personal story of what’s happening in my own life at this moment. This spring, before the pandemic upended our entire society, I applied and was accepted into a Masters of Teaching graduate program at University of Colorado, Denver. I was scared, excited, and had to work through relentless mindtalk about my ability to accomplish such a massive undertaking. I’m sure that, for some, getting a master’s degree is simply the next item on their life’s to-do list. But not for me. I’ve sort of done my life in a weird reverse order in some ways, therefore working towards higher degrees wasn’t on my radar until mid-life. That’s where I am now.

The fall semester of 2020 started this week. After a very uncertain summer, the university decided that most courses would be held online, either asynchronous or remote, which means we all join a Zoom meeting once a week. I’m sure that many of you are experiencing similar ways of meeting, either as students, for your jobs, or by helping your children with their own online classes. Will this become the new normal for education? Nobody yet knows. We are going into this school year with myriad questions, but not many answers.

Four years ago, I returned to university to finish up my bachelor’s degree that I never completed back in the days of my twenties. For two and a half years, I loved going to classes, studying for exams, reading lots of books and scholarly articles, and writing many papers. I took classes I was interested in and enjoyed. School was great! I was actually sad when it was over. Then I took a year to contemplate what I should do with that degree, what path was next in my life?

https://studentlifethespot.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/10-inspirational-quotes-for-students/larson/

As I looked and reflected deeply within, the idea of becoming a licensed teacher kept coming up, and even as I shrugged it off or tried to ignore it, that invitation would not leave me. I used many arguments against the voice. What about my age? I’m not in my twenties and full of invincibility, I told it. Didn’t matter. What about all the crap that teachers have to put up with in public education? They complain all the time about the low pay, long hours, fights with administrators, and badly behaving students. Didn’t matter, the invitation remained. What about the amount of work it will be to actually do the master’s program? And the internships- I will have to borrow money in order to work for free at a school for two semesters? And the cost of grad school?? Yikes. My mind would spin out into these whining rants over and over.

And yet. Whenever I took a deep breath and remembered my students from the past year of being a literacy tutor, their faces, sweet smiles and stories would calm my mind. Every single time my mind would mess with me, then I’d think of those kids and drop down into my heart space. What I know, deep inside, is that those kids needed me last year. There will be others who will also need me to be with them, helping them to learn, to cope, to grow through their childhoods in good ways. If I give up before I start, I am letting them down. And I cannot, in good conscience, do that to them.

So, here I am, the first week of this crazy semester, trying to figure out how to get my footing as I begin this ascent. How to organize my time with four online classes? Only one has a formal meeting day and time for the 2 hours, 45 minutes of Zoom class (ouch). The others have syllabi, schedules for readings, assignments and due dates, and discussion threads. Without having to leave my apartment to go to campus and meet in person, it’s up to me to figure out how long each day should I devote to each course, to the readings (most of which are done on my laptop), and to taking notes (in a Word doc? In a notebook with a pen?).  Geez… I sort of feel like I’m back to the basics of how to do school. Then, there ‘s TECHNOLOGY.  Oh my goodness, it is more complex than ever!  The more apps and fixes and hacks the techies create (supposedly to help students) the harder and more difficult it seems to become. Oy.

As I struggle through each day of this longest, hottest, strangest summer ever, there are many moments when I either want to complain, give up or break down. At those moments, what seems to help the most is remembering that there are many millions of other people who are going through similar or way harder struggles than me. None of us are immune to the pain and hardship of these days. My heart is breaking for the folks in California, and my own Colorado, who are running from the wildfires during the extreme heat and dry winds of August. We’ve been here before, during the past decade of drought and extreme weather conditions. The global climate catastrophe hasn’t gone away just because the world is engulfed in the 2020 pandemic.

Dear Readers, are you finding good ways to cope with your own lives and challenges? This unusual summer will soon give way to perhaps a beyond unusual autumn. I wish you all strength, courage and loving guidance to be with you, as you traverse your individual paths and we collectively move into the unwritten future. Keep your chin up!

Pandemic Diaries, part 4; and Resources to Help

 

Covid-questions-The Daily_NYTimes
Photo credit: Questions from a 9-year-old in Chicago who hosts “The Show about Science.”Credit…Bianca Giaever/The New York Times

In the week that has passed since my last update, life has become increasingly paradoxical—on the one hand, personal reality has become strangely quiet and predictable, while on the other, we collectively continue climbing up the roller coaster in anticipation of the moment when we all begin screaming in earnest. Perhaps that is a bit melodramatic, and yet, I’m sure many are feeling similarly about now.

Being a news/prose junkie, I have read/listened to a lot of information and intel over the past week about Covid 19, New York’s crisis, the drama which unfolded on Capital Hill surrounding the unprecedented, 2 trillion dollar aid package by the US government, and yet more news stories. This weekend, I am at saturation level with mainstream news and am taking a break (as I hope are many of you also). I have consciously worked to turn off the news, put down the phone, refrain from checking the New York Times and NPR every couple hours. Instead, I’ve slept a lot, stared out my windows into the wide open sky, taken daily evening walks around my neighborhood, and noticed the stirring of spring all around. Crocus, daffodils, grape hyacinth, windflowers, and the first tulips are blooming in neighbor’s yards. Trees are getting ready to begin blooming soon. In a couple of weeks it will be Easter, a holiday that is near and dear to my heart as it ushers in full-on Spring. Renewal, rebirth, and reset—these are as real and important as the current crisis humanity is facing, and important to notice–perhaps more important than the latest body counts and infection rates of Covid 19.

I’d like to share a few resources with you, Dear Readers, that I have found comforting, inspiring, and thought-provoking. Perhaps one or more of these wise people’s words will also help you in some way as you each navigate the current pandemic and its surrounding emotional roller coaster energies. Here is a list, in no particular order, of some articles, websites and YouTube videos. If you have found any resources you’d like to share, please do so in the comments section of my blog!

https://charleseisenstein.org/essays/the-coronation/

Charles Eisenstein is a brilliant thinker, author, and maverick for a growing audience of people around the world. His essay on Coronavirus and its implications, just published on his website, will give you lots of food for thought. Reading it pushed several of my buttons, and I had to read it in sections. He never fails to make me think, and, ultimately, give me hope for our future.

https://www.shareable.net/series/coronavirus/

Shareable.net is a website devoted to highlighting ways that humans help one another in communities around the world. They have created a series of articles to show how people are helping each other (and ways that you can help your neighbors and community) during the coronavirus days.

https://bioneers.org/what-bioneers-are-saying-about-covid-19-zmaz2003/

Bioneers.org is a wonderful group of thoughtful, brilliant people who are dedicated to the work of creating a healthy, equitable, sustainable world for all of us humans and nature upon Earth. I highly recommend reading their articles, watching their videos, and listening to their podcasts regularly.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/27/podcasts/the-daily/

The Daily podcast by the New York Times. This one is devoted to kids questions about the Coronavirus. Great information, plus sweet kid voices asking the questions.

https://www.youtube.com/

For those of you who can benefit from listening to a spiritual master, I’ve been watching this man, named Mooji, the past few weeks and find his teachings and advice very soothing and helpful. This link is to his latest message to humanity, and is highly recommended.

As we continue along the pandemic situation, with all of its challenges and frustrations, I wish each of you the courage, strength, and knowledge that you are here on Earth at this time because you are needed now. Continue to ground the light and love, and shine it out to all you meet, whether in person or virtually. Love, light and blessings to all.